The Top 11 Reasons Life Gets Better with Age

Michael Brickey, Ph.D., ABPP

Every age has its benefits.

Actress Helen Hayes said, “One way to look at getting older is to say “Whatever age I am is the best age.” To that I add, “The age we live in is the best age.”

The antithesis of Ms. Hayes’ belief is saying, wait until I’m old enough to drive, until I get married, until the kids are grown, until I retire . . . then I will enjoy life; or life is all downhill after thirty. The trick is to focus on the benefits of your current age and experience that age as the best of times. It is similar to what optimists do–putting the positives in the foreground and the negatives in the background. While “reality” has positives and negatives, optimists (if conscientious and not undue risk takers) are happier, healthier, and live longer. When Ronald Reagan was campaigning for the presidency and his age was questioned, he quipped, “I won’t hold my opponent’s inexperience against him.”

Here are ten reasons why life gets when you are older:

1. Research finds that older people are happier

Conventional wisdom was that aging is a bummer and the happiest years of our lives are childhood, adolescence, and our twenties. At the turn of the century researchers were reporting that happiness levels were pretty constant across adult ages, or increased a little with age. In 2008 economists Blanchflower and Flower studied half a million people in the US and Western Europe and found a “U-Curve” for happiness and age. They found that happiness declined in late adolescence until about age 45 and then increased.

Since 2012 the Gallup pollsters have been issuing their World Happiness Report—a free downloadable report. It surveys more than 100,000 people in 130 countries each year. Results are primarily based on these instructions: “Imagine a ladder with steps from 0 at the bottom to 10 at the top. The top of the ladder represents the best possible life for you, and the bottom of the ladder represents the worst possible life for you. Please imagine how happy you would be on a ladder with 10 steps, with the best possible life at the top and the worst possible life at the bottom.”

The 2024 World Happiness report, and past reports, found the U-Curve fits for wealthier nations but not necessarily poor nations. It notes that happiness for North Americans ages 15-24 has fallen sharply since 2008, such that they are now less happy than older North Americans. In 2024 Finland was the country with the highest ratings for happiness. Note that cohort experiences can affect ratings, e.g., the impact or wars, disasters, and COVID.

Why would older people be happier? Adolescence often is a time of great angst and insecurity, such as trying to figure out who you are, what you want to be when you grow up, and whether you will find a partner to love you. In early middle age, career advancement and having children can be stressful. Older people are more comfortable and secure with who they are, what their values are, and what they want to do with their lives. Also, Laura Carstensen’s previously noted socioemotional selectivity theory suggests that as their time horizons shrink, older people choose to spend less time, energy, and resources on things like career development and instead invest more in personally and currently meaningful goals, activities, and relationships. Many grandparents get to enjoy a special bond with grandchildren. While parents have to do the day-to-day care and discipline, grandparents get to treat the grandchildren and wonderful and give them undivided attention.

2. Less peer pressure

For most teens, especially girls, fitting in, being liked, and being popular are often paramount issues. While seeing themselves as rebellious, teen culture is actually very conformist. Teens spend many hours worrying about the right clothes, the right music, being "cool," and being accepted. Age brings a clearer sense of identity and less importance on peer pressure. Employment requires being concerned about pleasing the boss, coworkers, and customers. When employment is no longer required for income, there is a new freedom from peer pressure. No one can flunk you or fire you. How delightful when some older people tell it like it is and say things like I don’t have time for that nonsense.

3. More wisdom

Age brings experience and knowledge and learning from mistakes–your own mistakes and vicariously from others’ mistakes. Living longer does not guarantee wisdom, but it is a prerequisite, and on the whole older people are wiser than younger people.

4. More time

Rearing children takes a lot of time and energy. When they eventually leave home, it is eerie how quiet it becomes and how much more time there is. Retirement (or no longer having to work for money) brings even more discretionary time. It can be a time to pursue passions. It can mean more time for friends, family, and grandchildren. It can mean more time to enjoy life more, think more, and smell the roses.

5. Better control of emotions

Research shows that age brings better skills at managing emotions and dealing with problems. Age brings experience dealing with many types of conflicts. In marital or long-term relationships, couples learn what to fight about and what to accept. In short, age brings a larger, more tested repertoire for dealing with problems

6. Better storytellers

Hamlet said, “The play’s the thing, wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the king.” You could say a play is just a long form of storytelling.

Why is storytelling so important? For thousands of years storytelling was the way mankind transmitted culture and history. For parents, grandparents, and older adults it is a way of transmitting family history, values, and traditions. Why do some seniors tell the same stories again and again. Probably because transmitting the message to the next generations is so important to them. It is part of their purpose and mission in life.

One study compared stories by participants in their eighties with participants in their sixties. While the older story tellers’ stories were less grammatically complex and less cohesive, which the researchers suggested probably reflects declines in working memory, the older story tellers’ stories were more structurally complex, i.e., their stories gave more cause and effect connections and/or they included a coda or a moral.

One study had college students ages 18-28 and older adults ages 60-92 tell stories. The older adults produced narratives that were more integrative or interpretive than those told by the undergraduates. Judges rated the older adult stories clearer and more interesting. A similar study found that the personal narratives of older participants were perceived to be of higher quality than those of younger participants.

One study had college students listen to recordings of prose read by young adults (ages 20-21), middle-aged adults (ages 40-49), and older adults (ages 67-82). The students remembered more details when they listened to the older adults. When the passages were stories, the students evaluated the older speakers more favorably. The study noted that older adults tend to speak more slowly and may alter their pitch and rhythm in ways that add interest.

Better storytelling comes at a time in life when seniors are stepping up to being the family matriarchs and patriarchs and passing on family traditions, values, and stories. People tune out lectures. Stories, however, hypnotize listeners and slide in the message.

What makes for good storytelling? The best stories have a moral lesson but aren’t preachy. They don’t seem like a lecture but merely sharing life experiences. Vocal variety, animation, and passion add to the interest. Just as hypnotists speak more slowly than normal speech, older storytellers tend to speak more slowly, which can contribute to a hypnotic effect. Finally, listeners tend to view older storytellers as having more wisdom.

Research reports that found helping older people develop their story telling skills helped reduce depression and enhance their sense of purpose. However, older adults don’t need groups just for them. There are many local and Internet storytelling classes, affinity groups, and clubs. Studying helps, but practice telling stories to people is essential as well. Toastmasters clubs can also offer opportunities to hone storytelling skills and are open to adults of all ages. For older people in search of a new pastime, developing storytelling skills can be an excellent fit.

7. Sexuality doesn’t complicate relationships as much

Many seniors have a rich sex life and sexuality is important in their lives. Sexuality, however, becomes less about proving manhood or validating being desirable and loved, and more about warmth, caring, and sharing. Age brings fewer worries about whether a hug or compliment will be considered a come-on, pass or sexual harassment. For couples, there is less fear of children overhearing or interrupting intimate moments and less fear of an unwanted pregnancy. Older men often become more emotionally involved in sex as they need more physical stimulation, which in turn enhances the experience for both partners.

8. Better quality friendships

Youth is a time to experiment and try new things. It is a time to make friends with a wide variety of people from different countries, ethnic groups, social classes, and political viewpoints. Experience teaches which friendships are likely to be rewarding and which friendships are likely to be superficial or even harmful. Some friendships last for decades and are indeed treasures. While older people have fewer casual acquaintances, they place more emphasis on family and close friends, are more satisfied with their relationships than younger people, and feel strong bonds to close friends. Many “prune” their friendships and make remarks like, “I don’t have time for those people.” There is a shift from novelty to quality, from popularity to meaning.

9. Pride in age again

Children proudly hold up fingers to tell their age and cannot wait until their next birthday. Each birthday is a landmark event. Adults in their thirties, forties, fifties, and sixties typically see age as eroding vitality and attractiveness and try to hide and deny their age. After seventy, age starts becoming something to be proud of and gives a sense of accomplishment and achievement. By ninety or 100 there are serious bragging rights. During a speech I gave on aging, a woman raised her hand and said, “I'm 98--and a half.”

10. You know more than younger people

Consider an analogy with computers. A child’s hard drive only has a few dozen names, very limited information, and few memories. With age your hard drive acquires more and more information and memories. Would you really want to trade your rich hard drive for the sparse hard drive of a twenty-year-old? With age you learn how to do things, such as driving cars, buying cars, renting apartments, buying a home, dealing with difficult situations and problems in relationships. These are the computer’s apps and programs. Would you want to trade your abundance of apps and programs for those of a twenty-year-old? The only advantage the twenty-year-old’s computer has is faster processing speed (megahertz) and the ability to multitask better. All things considered, would you really want to trade your computer for that of a twenty-year-old?

11. Understanding the circle of life

The story of Peter Pan begins, “All of this has happened before, and all of it will happen again.” Age bears witness to cycles of birth, marriage, children and death; of hard times and easy times; of war and peace. Age brings an understanding of life’s rhythms and cycles. A great sense of satisfaction comes with this glimpse into some of the secrets of the universe.

Not everyone over sixty experiences these perks. Nevertheless, those who continue to grow with age, are likely to experience these perks. Indeed, every age has its benefits and one of the keys to aging well is to fully enjoy each age.

And so, like Robert Browning, I invite you to “Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.”

© 2014 This article may be reprinted provided the content is not edited and the following attribution is given: Dr. Michael Brickey, The Anti-Aging Psychologist, teaches people to think, feel, look and be more youthful. He is the Oprah-featured author of Defy Aging and has online continuing education courses at ZurInstitute.com. He can be contacted at DrMichaelBrickey@att.net.