Free articles on: Health and Wellness, Positive Psychology of Aging, Healthy Aging, and Holistic Health

These articles may be reprinted in Ezines, newsletters, newspapers, and magazines provided that the content is not edited and the following attribution is given: Dr. Michael Brickey is President of the Ageless Lifestyles Institute and author of Defy Aging. His new book, 52 baby steps to Grow Young, gives two-page-a-week practical steps for developing a youthful mindset at every age. Further information is at www.DrBrickey.com.

Michael Brickey, Ph.D.

Telling Your Age
Getting Better With Age
Centenarian Role Models
Good Grief
He Who Laughs Lasts
What Is Retirement Anyway?
The Power of Telling Stories
Ungrateful Rebellious Adult Children
Vitamin and Supplement Hype
Living Longer—The 20th Century Greatest Accomplishment
The Anti-Aging Alphabet Soup
Is Retirement Day Independence Day?

What Caregivers Need to Know About Their Own Aging
Minds Can Get Better with Age
Getting Motivated to Exercise
Choose Your News
Go for It
Married for a Hundred Years?
Footprints in the Heart
Making New Friends All Your Life
Even Cats Are Living Longer
The Secret to a Long, Healthy Life
Pruning Friendships as We Age

Telling Your Age :- Michael Brickey, Ph.D

Why do people ask how old you are? Often it is to put you in a category. We all have stereotypes about what people are like at 50, 60, 90, 100, etc. And we usually expect people to "act their age".

Every time you say your age, your stereotypes about that age are brought to mind. Some people lie about their age. Some have a catchy remark like I’m 70 going on 16. Finally, some simply avoid or refuse to answer the question.

Probably the most elegant solution comes from Bob Hope. He lived to 100 and in many ways was a teenager at heart. He describes himself as “many ages.”

There are times when you want to be like a six-year-old and play with children. There are times when you may want to play a sport like 20 year-old. And there are times for giving mature, sagely advice. The trick is shifting gears to fit the occasion. Thinking of yourself as many ages avoids stereotypes. It also suggests that your repertoire of ages is becoming richer the older you become chronologically.

Acting our age merely limits our behavior to the stereotypes for our age. Since people base their stereotypes on how people aged in the past, the stereotypes for your age are usually about how your parents aged instead of how you are aging. Thinking of yourself as many ages sidesteps the whole issue. It’s hard to hit a moving target.

As comedian Joan Rivers put it, “People are forever being told to ‘act their age,’ but the role no longer comes with stage directions.” The lack of “scripts” gives us great freedom to write our own scripts.

Finally, there is baseball great Sachel Page’s famous question, “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?” If your answer is a lot younger than your current chronological age, why not adopt that age as your real age? Something is telling you that it is more your true age than your chronological age.

If you answered Page’s question with an age older than your chronological age, we need to talk. What is keeping you from feeling youthful?

We tend to become like the people with whom we spend time. That is no surprise. We all want to be liked and one way to be liked is to share common ideas, beliefs, and activities. Fortunately, we have largely outgrown the oppressive conformity many teenagers go through in trying to be liked and fit in.

Having friends who are younger than yourself, chronologically or in spirit, helps you stay young. To have younger friends you need to keep making new friends all your life. Just like the Girl Scout song says, “Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.” I’m not sure if playing with babies makes us even younger than playing with younger friends, but it couldn’t hurt. Judge for yourself, does playing with grandchildren, great grandchildren, or even others’ children leave you feeling youthful and full of wonder?

As you can see I don’t consider the question how old are you to be a trivial one. By the way, now that we have discussed telling your age, how old are you?

Dr. Michael Brickey is President of the Ageless Lifestyles Institute and author of Defy Aging. His new book, 52 baby steps to Grow Young, gives two-page-a-week practical steps for developing a youthful mindset at every age. Further information is at www.DrBrickey.com. <Go To Top Of Page>

Getting Better With Age :- Michael Brickey, Ph.D

Publisher Frances Lear said, “I can sit next to a man who has on his other side a gorgeous twenty-five-year-old, and he’ll talk to me, because I’m much more interesting".

Why shouldn't she be more interesting? Think back to when you were forty years younger. Remember what you thought was important and how you spent your time. Does it seem a little immature now? Would you want to trade your maturity now for your maturity then?

Would you rather have lunch with Jennifer Lopez or Oprah? Brad Pitt or Richard Gere? Most people find Oprah and Gere more interesting because they have more live experience and more to say.

Consider an analogy with computers. Thirty years ago you could do things a little faster (megahertz) but your hard drive had far less information and far fewer programs. Now you have a wealth of information and programs in your hard drive. Would you want to trade speed for hard drive data and programs?

Of course getting better with age doesn’t happen automatically. As employers say, you can have thirty years of experience or one year of experience thirty times. But if you are continually learning and growing, you have paid the price of admission and are indeed getting better with age.

Learning can come from taking classes, reading books, intelligent conversation, some radio or television programs, role models, or pursuing special interests. Even pastimes like crossword puzzles and playing bridge keep our memories and minds sharp. If we decide we value lifelong learning, our brains seek opportunities to learn and grow just as a hungry person sees food everywhere. If we stop learning, we are telling ourselves to put our seats and trays in their upright position to prepare for our final descent.

Growth isn’t limited to intellectual learning. It also involves increased maturity. It means having more perspective on problems, being more accepting of others, and being slower to anger or criticize.

In the presidential debate when Ronald Reagan was asked about his age, he quipped, “I won’t hold my opponent’s lack of experience against him.” The remark helped people appreciate the advantages of his age and helped him win the election.

Better with age is sometimes used as a hollow phrase. It can, however, be very true. Not only do many people get better with time, in surveys older people report being happier than younger people.

Further, advances in healthcare are helping us function younger at chronologically older and older ages. Disability rates have declined 1-2% a year since the government started collecting data in 1982. Dentures used to be common by age 60 and are now rare at any age for people who have had good dental care. Tiny digital hearing aids give much improved sound. Lasik and laser surgery to correct visual problems has become commonplace. Finally, we know a lot more about how to care for our health and have far more resources than even a decade ago.

As the Beatles put it musically, “I’ve got to admit it’s getting better–It’s getting better all the time.” Or, as Robert Browning put it, “Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be. The last of life, for which the first was made.”

Centenarian Role Models :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

Role models teach us and inspire us. As a kid you probably had lots of heroes and role models. You need them as an adult as well. Role models are a short cut from learning by trial and error. If you want to know how to age well, look at today’s centenarians.

The New England Centenarian study found that most of the centenarians they studied were mentally and physically sharp. Most did not have a disability until the last four years of their lives. They averaged one prescription medication. Typically, they died at home from an acute illness or a fall.

Here are a few of my favorite centenarian role models:

Sadie and Bessie Delany’s father was a slave who was freed after the Civil War. Their careers eventually took them to Harlem where Sadie became a teacher and Bessie a dentist. Neither married. They loved reading, learning, and friends. They refused to have a television set or phone at home. When Sadie was 102 and Bessie 100, a reporter interviewed them. The reporter was so smitten with their vitality that she persuaded them to write a book. Their book, Having Our Say, became a best seller and a successful Broadway play and later yet a CBS Television movie. They wrote another best selling book, The Delany Sisters’ Book of Everyday Wisdom. When Bessie died at home at age 104, Sadie wrote On My Own at 107: Reflection of Life Without Bessie. At age 109 Sadie died in her sleep at home.

George Dawson, grandson of a slave, started working at age eight to help support his family. He “got tired of writing my name with an X” and learned to read and write at age 98. At 102 he co-wrote his autobiography, Life is So Good.

At 89 Selma Plaut started auditing courses at the University of Toronto. She graduated with a bachelor’s degree when she was 100. English wasn’t even her native language as she was a Jewish refugee from Nazi Germany.

Grandma Moses began painting rural scenes for her own pleasure in her late 70s. Without formal art training, her work became internationally acclaimed and she was still painting at 100.

Dr. Henry Stenhouse ran for Congress when he was 100. Other centenarians teach college, conduct symphony orchestras, paint, sculpt, dance, and even father children. One of the best sources for profiles of centenarians is the book, Centenarians: The Bonus Years by Lynn Peters Adler. Centenarian role models certainly illustrate that you are never too old to do what you love or even to start a new career.

There are few physical traits that distinguish centenarians. They are physically active, most do not smoke, and most maintain their same weight throughout their adult life. About the only thing that characterized their diets were that most ate a wide variety of foods.

The centenarian traits that stand out are mental traits. They are very independent, self-reliant individuals with a strong sense of purpose. They have a good sense of humor and are good at dealing with loss and change. They have a passion for life.

The centenarian spirit is illustrated in a joke--A centenarian goes to the doctor complaining of a pain in his knee. The doctor said, "At your age what can you expect?" The patient replied, "To fix my knee. My other knee is the same age and it works fine."

The oldest person with good documentation of her age was Jean Calment. She lived in Arles, France and died in 1997 at age 122. She was always a physically active woman who wasn’t overly concerned about others’ expectations. She had a good appetite–not just for food but for everything. She never had fluctuations in her weight. She smoked a few cigarettes a day until she was 117 when she quit on her own initiative with no explanation. She enjoyed port wine and chocolates. She still rode a bicycle at 100. Part of her “secret” was that “I never get bored.”

At 109, largely because of visual limitations, she moved into a retirement home where her diet was unappealingly institutional. Her biographer reports that she never adjusted to the facility’s routines nor they to hers. She would wake herself at 6:45 a.m. and begin her day with prayer and exercise. Her days were very self-structured. Although virtually blind, she got around the facility faster than most of the other residents. Failing vision and hearing compromised the quality of her last years. She declined eye surgery for the severe cataracts in both of her eyes. She might have lived considerably longer and better if she had taken a daily vitamin most of her life, did not smoke, and had the cataract surgery. The surgery would have allowed her to be more active and mobile. Her life is described in the biography, Jeanne Calment: From Van Gough’s Time To Ours: 122 Extraordinary Years.

There is an amusing anecdote about her finances. When she was 90, she entered into a contract with an attorney. He agreed to pay her $500 a month (“en viager”) for the rest of her life and he would own her apartment in Arles when she died. She lived to 122. He died at the age of 77 after paying over $184,000 (far more than the apartment’s value). His widow continued paying after his death.

George Burns booked his act past his hundredth birthday to mentally suggest to himself that he would live that long (and he did). As he put it, “You can’t help getting older but you don’t have to get old.” He also quipped, “With a little luck, there’s no reason why you can’t make it to be 100. Once you’ve done that, you’ve got it made, because very few people die over 100.” Research agrees with Mr. Burns. Mortality rates are lower for people in their hundreds than for people in their nineties. We all need goals and achievements to look forward to. Unfortunately, Burns did not schedule a party for his 101st birthday.

Dr. Michael Brickey is President of the Ageless Lifestyles Institute and author of Defy Aging. His new book, 52 baby steps to Grow Young, gives two-page-a-week practical steps for developing a youthful mindset at every age. Further information is at www.DrBrickey.com.<Go To Top Of Page>

Good Grief :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

As a psychologist I have worked with many people who were stuck in grief. They speak about losing someone with poignant emotion–as if it happened yesterday. But it happened years ago, sometimes decades ago. Other people, however, deal with loss very effectively and come to terms with a loss within a few months. What accounts for the difference? Those who deal effectively have better mental strategies for dealing with loss.

People who get stuck often form unresourceful visual images in their mind’s eye. Perhaps it is everyone gathered around the table for Christmas dinner–but there is the empty chair where momma is supposed to be. This image freezes the loss in time. It compares a picture of the way Christmas “is supposed to be” with the absence of momma and concludes that Christmas will never be the same again. Other people who get stuck see mom (or whomever they lost) in a hospital bed, wasting away with tubes and machines droning on. This image of mom is sure to elicit sad feelings. The empty chair or hospital bed scenes, however, are only two of billions of possible images. They do not represent the essence of who mom was. More resourceful images would have her with the family, or in a favorite activity, or a symbol that embodies her fine qualities.

Let me make an analogy with computers. When you turn on a computer, you get a default image on the screen. You can click options to have the computer change the default image to a more useful image. The first image is still in the computer if you need it, but the more useful image is now the default. If you have an unresourceful default image, change it to a resourceful image that honors the person who lived.

If you see the person in your mind’s eye, you can change the image and thereby change how you feel. Moving the image away from your head, making the image smaller, making it black and white, and making it dimmer, all make the image less intense. Conversely, making an image closer to your head, bigger, colorful, and bright usually makes an image more intense. Try it. The idea is to make resourceful images intense and unresourceful images seem to be a distant, far away memory.

Much of the literature on grieving emphasizes beliefs that are contrary to effective grieving. One author referred to her husband dying as “amputation without anesthesia.” This is a vivid metaphor that fosters self-pity rather than healing. Another author talked about how profoundly pervasive the death of a parent was and how she viewed everything in her life as “BDD–Before Dad Died–and the ADD–After Dad Died.” This approach intensifies the anguish as opposed to seeing parents dying as the natural order of things and oneself as mature enough to handle.

Art Linkletter's daughter committed suicide at 19 and his son died in an automobile accident at 32. He could have easily rationalized being bitter, but put it this way: “Too many people who lose others–mothers, fathers, children, friends–become people who see grief as a tent pole for their life. They cherish it almost, they clutch it to them, they never let it go, and that grief becomes the impelling force for a negative, bitter, unhappy, vengeful unforgiving life. Other people, like myself, use it as a springboard for being a better person and for enjoying life more and for appreciating all the good things in it as a counter to the other things that are going to happen.”

You can care and feel without feeling every death is tragic. Most deaths aren’t a tragedy. A tragedy is not living life fully, a list of what ifs, and not connecting with life. For many people the tragedy occurred years ago when they numbed themselves to experiencing life fully. As poet Stephen Vincent Benét put it, “Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.” For those who have lived a full life but disease has greatly compromised their lives, death can be a relief.

People who deal effectively with loss often see the deceased as an ongoing presence in their lives. A humorous but good example is Fred Sanford from the television show Sanford and Son. When Fred (played by Red Foxx) was having a hard time he would feign “having the big one” (a heart attack). He would then look up and talk with his deceased wife Elizabeth. He wasn’t crazy. He just knew her so well that he could sense her presence, imagine a conversation with her, and gain comfort and guidance from the experience. Actually, he probably got along better with her after her death than in real life as he was a cantankerous character. Many religious people find it easy to think of the person who lived as an ongoing presence or to imagine the person communicating with them from a better place.

Many people believe in an afterlife when it comes to their own lives but neglect to try to imagine their loved one already in a better place.

Teachers and professors are particularly good role models for letting go. They have their students for only a year or a few years and then must focus on inspiring a new cadre of students. Do they complain that they can’t bear to let their babies go? No, they realize that it is time for the students to leave the nest and fly. While they could become sad at the students leaving, they instead are joyful to see them move on to new challenges. They feel enriched and invigorated from having worked with them. They have a vision of helping to change the world.

We too need to appreciate the rhythms of life and work with them rather than fight them.

He Who Laughs Lasts :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

As Michelle Pritchard put it, “You don’t stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.” Cultivating a sense of humor is one of the best ways to stay youthful.

Our society tends to regard humor as frivolous. Few activities, however, are as mentally demanding and intellectually stimulating as humor. Humor requires appreciating other perspectives and understanding cultural norms and expectations. It is no accident that one of the eleven tests on the world’s most respected IQ test asks people to arrange cartoon pictures to tell a story.

For people who are learning a language or culture, understanding the culture’s humor is one of the last skills they master. Telling or joke or relating a humorous event requires great judgment and insight in knowing whether someone is likely to find something funny. What is funny to one person might be dumb or even offensive to another person. Telling a joke also requires timing and acting skills.

Humor helps you develop perspective and not take yourself too seriously. Laughing uses a lot of muscles and stimulates your immune system.

Just as physical fitness is a “use it or lose it” proposition, your ability to understand humor declines with age unless you exercise your sense of humor on a regular basis. The phrase “someday you’ll laugh at this” illustrates how humor also helps us put pain in perspective.

Cartoons like Peanuts (Charlie Brown) and Ziggy prompt us to not take ourselves too seriously. Dilbert’s satire assures us that we’re not crazy but sometimes our jobs are. The Family Circus helps us appreciate how children perceive the world, enabling us to be more sensitive to their needs and nourish our childlike sides. Doonesbury and political cartoons lampoon our political processes and help us see when “the emperor has no clothes.” Humor’s ability to get us to appreciate others’ perspectives is a great antidote for racial, political, and international problems.

Personal challenges for humor might be: 1) remembering even two jokes when a stand-up comedian says one after another and has you in stitches, 2) telling a joke and getting a laugh, and 3) developing your own jokes. Joking with young children provides a great opportunity to exercise humor and not worry about looking foolish or blowing a punch line. Of course you do have to reciprocate by listening to a lot of knock knock jokes–over and over. When you listen to young children trying to make up their own jokes, you realize how much a person has to understand for humor to work.

In short, humor is an art form that exercises our minds. Appreciating humor can keep you “mentally fit” and add fun and enjoyment to your life. It is a great stress reliever.

Humor also reveals our anxieties and reinforces stereotypes. Unfortunately, much of the humor about age reinforces negative conceptions of aging. If you want to live a long, healthy, vital life, be alert to ageist humor and challenge it. Examples of negative humor about aging include remarks about being over the hill, an old geezer, an old bitty, and having a senior moment.

Ageist humor can subtly reinforce negative stereotypes. Consider this joke:

The newspaper sent a reporter to interview a man about reaching his hundredth birthday. The reporter asked, “Of what are you most proud?” The centenarian said, “I’ve lived 100 years and haven’t an enemy in the world.” The reporter exclaimed, “Truly inspirational!” The centenarian replied, “Yep, I’ve outlived every last one of them!”

On the surface this joke appears to be positive. Beneath the surface, however, it suggests a negative, stubborn personality. Consequently, it is a joke you need to detect and reject.

By contrast here are two examples of positive humor about aging:

A younger construction worker teased an older worker about his age. Older worker: "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is? I’ll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building and you won't be able to wheel it back." Braggart: "You're on, old man. Let's see what you got." The old man grabbed a wheelbarrow by the handles and said, "All right. Get in."

The joke showed the older worker as physically active, mentally sharp, and assertive.

A 60 year old woman went to a doctor for her annual checkup. Doctor: "You have the body of a 35 year old and are in terrific shape. You might live forever. How old was your father when he died?"
Patient: "Did I say he was dead?"
Doctor: "Oh, how old is he? Is he very active?"
Patient: "He is 82 and loves ski, surf, and sky dive."
Doctor: "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
Patient: "Did I say he was dead?"
Doctor: “Wow! Is your grandfather very active?"
Patient: “He is 106 and loves to run in marathons. He is getting married again next week.
Doctor: "At 106 years old why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?"
Patient: “Did I say he wanted to?"

This joke challenges our stereotypes and stretches our imaginations.

You may be thinking that it’s harder to find a joke with a positive image of aging than it is to find a joke that is flattering to blondes, but like the last two jokes, they are out there, waiting to be found.

The longevity humor challenge is to have your radar tuned to notice when humor has implications for longevity. If negative, spit it out. If positive, savor it and remember it. If you have some positive jokes about aging, I’d love for you to hear from you so I can share them with others.

What Is Retirement Anyway? :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

When Social Security started, most Americans did not live long enough to collect it. The dream was to have a few good years for travel and recreational pursuits. Now American life expectancy is 77 and a lot has changed.

I was at a conference on nursing home services a few years ago and the speakers talked about “empowering the patients.” (This is an oxymoron as calling them patients is putting them in a subservient, be taken care of position.) During the break a nurse told me, “They don’t get it. When I ask my patients to exercise or do something for themselves, they say, ‘I worked hard all my life and I want to relax and be taken care of.’”

The Heldrich Center surveyed workers about retirement. It wasn’t surprising that most Americans indicated they would like to retire at age 65–or younger. What was surprising, however, was that only 10% of the 1,000 workers surveyed said they just wanted to pursue leisure and recreation. The other 90% said they wanted to start a new career, start their own business, go to school, work full-time, work part-time, or do volunteer work. Thus they wanted to continue contributing after “retirement age.”

A 1999 AARP survey found that 61% of retirees and 70% of non-retirees said retirement is “a time to begin a new chapter by being active and involved, starting new activities and setting new goals.” Only 32% of retirees and 23% on non retirees said retirement is “a time to take it easy . . . [and] enjoy leisure activities.” A 1998 AARP survey found that 80% of Baby Boomers planned to work after retirement. Congress’ repeal of the Social Security earnings penalty in March, 2000 now encourages workers over 65 to continue working. (The earnings test penalized employment by reducing Social Security benefits by 33% for retirees 65-69 after an earned income floor of $15,500 a year. After age 70 there was no disincentive.)

Baby Boomers in particular hate getting older. They are flocking to gyms, spas, cosmetics, plastic surgeons, health food stores, and of course the latest diet. While Peter Pan said “I won’t grow up,” Boomers say they won’t grow old. Peruse a magazine rack or bookstore and it is apparent that most are still looking for answers in the wrong places–fad diets, magic pills, and exercises focused on appearances (e.g., killer abs and buns of steel). There are signs, however, that they are starting to look inward, pursing coaching, spiritual paths, and more fulfilling lifestyles.

AARP changed its name. It now no longer stands for American Association of Retired Persons but is just AARP. Why? Because when AARP tried to recruit Baby Boomers, the Boomers were turned off by the “R word.” They associated retired with being old and they hate the idea of getting old. AARP also created a separate magazine for Baby Boomers. Members born before 1945 receive My Generation while older members continue to receive Modern Maturity. (My Generation, however, did not catch on and is no more.)

So what is retirement anyway? The line between working and retirement is blurring. Some people who make a lot of money retire only to start a new business within a few years. Self-employment and home offices are becoming increasingly common. Part-time work is more common as is people taking time off to go back to school, take a sabbatical, help with family members, or travel.

There is an increased awareness that work is often important to giving us a sense of identity, connection, and purpose. Ideally, work should be something that we love to do. As Chicago Bears football coach George Halas said when he was coaching in his 80s, “It’s only work if there’s someplace else you’d rather be.”

The Power of Telling Stories :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

When Betty Rogers retired from her State job, she became a professional speaker. For fun she taught seniors to do stand up comedy at the Funny Bones Comedy Club. At first the seniors weren’t very good at stand up comedy. But that would be true of most people. Eventually many became quite funny.

Of course not everyone wants to be a comedian. Studies find older people are better story tellers than younger people. It comes at a perfect time in life as one of the roles of elders, however is to be story tellers. Story telling is part of the glue that bonds families. It is the conduit for family traditions. How you tell a story determines if it is fascinating or boring. Some people have a knack for story telling. Most of us could use some help. Rather than fumbling and bumbling through a story or shirking from your role as a story teller, practice. Think out, or better yet write out a story. Ask yourself:

What would be a great opening line?
Can I paint more pictures in my story?
Does it pass the shark test–that every word adds to the story?
What do I want listeners to feel?
What will help bring about these feelings?
What is my story telling style?

There is no right or wrong answer. Will Rogers had a plain talk approach. Andy Griffin had a country boy flavor. Some story tellers have a tall tale style. Some have a fond, loving, caring style. Is there a style that best fits you? Staying with a style and enhancing the style will help your story telling become like a brand name.

It also helps to listen to people who are good story tellers and take mental notes on what makes their stories so interesting.

As James Keller put it, “Tell your tales; make them true. If they endure, so will you.”

After you have polished your story and told it, ask for feedback and for suggestions on how to make it more interesting and effective. Your stories are the family jewels. Keep them polished and display them often.

Ungrateful Rebellious Adult Children :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

Toddlers love to play a game in which they bravely venture away from their parents. They have in mind just how far is safe and comfortable. If the parent happens to move further away or go out of their sight, they rush back to a safe distance.

When today’s seniors grew up, values were clearer and stricter. Often their children rebelled against their values. As they reach middle age, however, the adult children often feel a little lost. Like a toddler, they look to their parents’ more conservative values and ways for reassurance. Even if they are not willing to undergo the self-discipline their parents’ values requires, they often find reassurance in their parents being a consistent ballast in their lives. This is especially true for those who have been divorced and are struggling with shared parenting.

Years ago I went to my 25th high school reunion with my wife. I sat across from a gorgeous classmate. I couldn’t believe the transformation. She had been a wallflower in high school. Now she was strikingly beautiful, owned her own business, raced cars, etc. At the end of dinner people still sat at their tables, waiting for the slow eaters to finish. My classmate said she was feeling restless and wished she could go for a walk. I said, “Why don’t you?” and she responded, “In front of all of these people?” Driving home I was baffled by her being so inhibited and asked my wife what she thought. She perceptively said that a reunion brings out the behaviors you had back then, and back then she was very shy and self-conscious.

The same can be true for when adult children visit their parents. In many ways their emotions, and possibly behaviors as well, are those of a child. Many an adult child walks into their parents’ home and their hand automatically reaches for the cookie jar.

Rebellion is a normal part of growing up and becoming a unique adult. Your adult children may not tell you how much they respect and reference your values, but they probably do. Keeping the light on for them can be a lighthouse in their lives.

Vitamin and Supplement Hype :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

Magazines are full of articles such as, folic acid (Vitamin E, Beta Carotene, etc.) prevents... This is presented as if it were news. The articles imply we should run out and buy the supplements. Such articles are especially common in magazines that advertise vitamins and supplements. Every month they seem to find or recycle a couple more vitamins and supplements.

What’s wrong? If you were to take all of the vitamins and supplements they recommend in a piecemeal fashion you would be heavily taxing your liver and your wallet. Many of these vitamins and supplements are included in a multiple vitamin and taking both may be taking too much. Many vitamins and supplements can cause serious health problems if taken in extreme amounts.

The articles give little consideration to how the vitamin or supplement interacts with other vitamins and supplements, e.g., high doses of Vitamin C can inhibit the absorption of B-12, calcium needs vitamin D. Supplements such as Gingko Biloba and aspirin thin the blood, which may or may not be desirable and certainly needs to be considered if you are going to have surgery.

The research often isn’t realistic. No one questions that we need folic acid. But the research should have large numbers of people in an experimental and placebo groups and a treatment program that lasts several years. The control group should take a good daily multiple vitamin with the amount of folic acid that multiple vitamins usually contain. The treatment group would take the same multiple vitamin plus additional folic acid. Results should show a statistically and clinically significant effect. Research should also control for socioeconomic factors (people who normally take vitamins tend to be better educated, more affluent, eat more healthily, and exercise more). Rarely do popular press articles meet these criteria.

As consumers we need to eat healthy foods and take a good multiple vitamin as an insurance policy against whatever our diet misses. Then ask what special needs you have that call for additional supplements, e.g., men taking saw palmetto to help prevent prostate cancer, people with a risk of heart disease taking daily low dose aspirin, women who have problems with urinary tract infections drinking cranberry juice or using cranberry extract. Overdoing supplements and piecemeal use of supplements may cause more problems than they help.

Most people get enough iron from their food and don’t need iron in their vitamins. Iron in particular can contribute to free radical damage. People who may need iron in vitamins or supplements include: children, women who menstruate, people who donate blood, and people who are anemic.

On the lighter side, there is the story about two cows that saw a milk tank truck drive by. In large bold letters it said, Pasteurized, Homogenized, Vitamin A added. One cow turned to the other and said, “makes you feel sort of inadequate, doesn’t it?”

The bottom line is to take a good daily multiple vitamin geared to your age and gender. Then consider if there are any other supplements you need beyond what your multiple vitamin is providing. Only take those that fit with your plan. Largely ignore the endless piecemeal articles on miraculous vitamins and supplements.

Minds Can Get Better with Age :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

Often hear people make remarks such as, “My mind isn’t what it used to be.” It sounds harmless, but if you make remarks like that often enough you will come to believe them.

Two analogies are applicable. First, our minds are like muscles–use them and they grow strong; don’t exercise them and they wither. Second, our minds are like computers. As we age we develop a rich collection of programs (software), which we hopefully update with experience and new information. We acquire a rich repertoire of data. And alas our processing speed (megahertz) becomes a little slower. A computer with excellent software does things better and faster than a computer with mediocre software. For example, an older, skilled bridge player runs circles around someone who has only been playing for a few years.

If you are inclined to make a remark like “I just can’t remember things very well anymore,” be kind to yourself and remember that you have much larger, richer data files to search than a younger person has. So it may take a little longer. Part of the difficulty in remembering something might be that you now have a lot more information to search. Often if you trust and instruct your mind to continue searching for the information, it comes to you later in the day. That is a good indication that your mind is still sharp. Ask yourself, would I really want to trade a computer with a wealth of programs and data for a computer that had a faster speed but few programs and little data?

While many older people have avoided computers, that too is changing. More and more seniors are using computers and teaching their friends how as well. E-mail has bonded many families and friends scattered around the country and even around the world. It also has bonded many grandparents and grandchildren. Fortunately, computers are becoming more user friendly each year. Features to help people with poor vision are improving as well.

One woman told me that her parents adamantly resisted computers. One day she visited them and they were clicking away on their Web TV. Why? It was so easy for them to learn because it was “just like TV”–sit on the sofa, watch the screen, and work the remote control. It is always easier to learn new things when we have a template. (USA Today knew this when they designed their vending stands to look television set.)

We need to think of our minds as flexible, always learning, and open to change. As George Bernard Shaw put it, “Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” Rev. Denny Brake described the alternative: “Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.”

So can you teach an old dog new tricks? We “old dogs” object! We don’t wait anymore for someone to teach us, we have lots of ways of learning the tricks at our initiative.

Getting Motivated to Exercise :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

tMost of us know we need to exercise but have difficulty getting motivated to do it. Research is giving us a lot of encouragement. Recent research indicates that even small amount of exercise makes a big difference in health and fitness. It suggests that exercise doesn’t have to last a half hour or more to receive major benefits. Research indicates that even mild exercise such as walking is very helpful. These findings make it more appealing to exercise as even very modest efforts help.

So how to get started? If you are a total couch potato, pick a goal that is so ridiculously modest that it is easier to do it than to argue with yourself about it. For example you might set as a goal to do ten sit ups, or walk to the end of the block and back, or ride the exercise bicycle for two minutes. Stick with that for a couple of weeks so it becomes a habit, e.g., doing that two minutes of exercise before dinner. Then gradually increase the goal each week, e.g., adding another minute of exercise or a little more distance. In several months, the habit will have gradually increased to a level that gives you a good workout.

Journalism’s why questions can help you identify the contexts that make it easy for you to exercise. Journalists ask who, what, when, where, and why.

WHO: Ask yourself whether you enjoy exercising more with others, by yourself,,or with the vicarious company of a videotape.

WHAT: Do you crave variety or do you appreciate the stability of doing the same routine every day? If you need variety, have a large menu of exercises to choose from. If you like routine, do the same exercises at the same time every day. What activities would you most enjoy doing for: an aerobic workout? a strength workout? flexibility? any special health problems? (One exercise or sport may cover several functions.)

WHEN: Are you a lark or a dove? Are you more likely to do and to enjoy exercising early in the morning, or at some other time of the day?

WHERE: Would you particularly enjoy the convenience and all weather advantages of exercising at home or the joy of embracing nature by exercising outdoors, or the dedicated atmosphere of a gym or spa with other people also working out?

WHY: When you make an image of the benefits of exercising what do you see? Is the image so compelling that you shout, “I want that–got to have it?” If not, keep working on the image. It is important that the image focus on the results you want (e.g., looking fit, weighing less), not on the process, (e.g., seeing yourself sweating on a treadmill).

Clarity about the five why questions can help you develop an exercise program that is motivating for you. As actress Helen Hayes put it, “If you rest, you rust.”

Choose Your News:-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

The Six O'clock news deluges us with crimes, fires, scandals, and crises at a rate of a story every two minutes. CNN does the same. There usually is little we can personally do about these news items. After watching the news it is easy to feel a little down and powerless. The few features on lifestyle issues are usually so simplified and sketchy as to be of little value. In short, the TV news programs are not good for our health.

So what is the alternative? There are radio programs (e.g., NPR--National Public Radio’s programs) that give the headlines and then go into more depth. There are some TV programs that do the same. Newspapers with their daily time frame tend to have the piecemeal approach as TV. If you need the paper for other purposes anyway, you may want to skim the news. Weekly or monthly newspapers and magazines tend to give a more thoughtful approach to news. Newspapers and magazines have the advantage of letting you pick what you read.

If you just want the highlights of the news so you can feel you at least know about major events, you can tune in the five-minute news summaries on many radio stations (including NPR). Radio has the advantage of letting you do something else at the same time. Print media allows you to clip information that you want to save. If you listen to talk radio, ask yourself whether it lifts your mood or leaves you aggravated and frustrated, and judge it by your answer.

During the World Trade Center disaster and its aftermath, many people spent hours a day watching or listening to the news. Typically such news is very repetitive and speculative. Especially in times of tragedies we need to discipline ourselves to go on a news diet and only watch or listen to a reasonable amount of news.

Just as inane jingles from commercials slip into our minds and memories even when we think we are tuning them out, the news makes an impression on our mind. We want to be good citizens and know what is happening in our communities and in the world. But we need to do it on our terms so we feel we have the big picture instead of a confusing hodgepodge of isolated details about bad news.

Of course, what’s bad news to one person may be good news to someone else. One evening Johnny sat down at the kitchen table doing his homework while his mother watched television. His mother let out a shriek. "Johnny! Johnny! China has just launched a nuclear missile toward the United States." Johnny looked up from his book with a confused expression. "Do you understand what this means?" his mother implored. All excited, Johnny quickly replied, "No school tomorrow!"

The bottom line is to consciously choose how we want to learn about “the news.” Give preference to news sources that give the big picture and give minimal weight to “piecemeal” news. Of course, if you don't like the news, you can do something to make some good news.

Go For It :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

The research is clear that vital centenarians are a self-reliant independent lot. They do what they think is right and what fits with their dreams. Few have had any ulcers.

They remind me of Maria in the musical, “The Sound of Music.” She perturbed the Mother Superior by being such a free spirit. Since Maria was at the bottom of the pecking order, she left to pursue a life that was a better fit with who she was. Had she been high in the pecking order she might have stayed, been “eccentric,” and created more freedom for other nuns to express their unique personalities.

Centenarians typically think of their physicians as consultants. They take their advice into consideration, but decide for themselves whether it makes sense to them. Thus they take primary responsibility for their health. This gives them a sense of control over their own lives. It also makes them more likely to consider other options before taking a pill or undergoing an elective surgery.

This attitude is even more important today as physicians are squeezed by managed care and may only be able to see patients for about eight minutes. Many of their patients expect to leave with a pill and are unhappy if they don’t. The eight minute visit is even more of a problem for seniors as their health issues are often more complex and there is less research data on treatment for seniors than there is on younger patients.

I am not disparaging the wonderful work that physicians do. They too are frustrated with eight minute sessions and all the paperwork. They have a monumental job keeping up with a barrage of new research, new medications, new treatments, and new treatment guidelines, not to mention coordinating treatment with specialty physicians and other healthcare providers. Brief visits don’t allow them time to assess adequately nutritional, exercise, and lifestyle issues and to consider whether non-medical treatments might make medical treatments unnecessary. It isn’t realistic to ask them to have expertise in these other issues as well.

Centenarians typically don’t spend much time worrying about what others will think. As centenarian researcher Belle Boone Beard put it, “There are no Casper Milquetoasts among centenarians... they express themselves in bold and unconventional ways.”

The “rule of thirds” applies to most people. It suggests that a third of people will like you, a third will be neutral, and a third won’t care for your style. If you change your style, you’ll get roughly the same breakdown of thirds but the third that likes you will shift. You want to be authentic so the third that likes you likes the real you.

Ask yourself what you would do if you weren’t constrained by worrying about what is socially acceptable. Then ask yourself if it fits with your purpose and mission in life. If so, what stops you? As Mark Twain put it, “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover. "Or as Erica Jong put it,“ And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.”

Married for a Hundred Years? :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

Someday the cover of Time magazine will have a picture of the first couple to be married 100 years. Reporters will flock to them to ask their secret. But you don’t have to wait to learn their secret. Researcher already given us a good idea of what helps marriages last.

By the way the current record, according to the Guinnes Book of World Records is 86 years and is held by two couples. One was a Maine couple who were both born in 1725 and married from 1743 until the wife died. The other was an Indian couple who married when both were five years old and were married until the husband died in 1940.

While much of the literature on marriage is just opinion, there is one researcher whose work is outstanding–psychologist John Gottman, Ph.D. For over three decades Gottman has carefully observed, videotaped, and studied social and physiological responses (e.g. heart rate) of more than 2,000 of couples. His research has found several principles that distinguish marriages that work. After all, marriages may be made in heaven, but a lot of the details have to be worked out on earth.

One principle is that successful couples know a lot about each other. For example, do you know your spouse’s (or paramour’s) favorite movie, book, flower, dessert, or perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon? If not, ask. Another principle is that they have fond memories about their relationship. Every marriage has its difficult times and challenges. In successful marriages, people savor and fondly remember the good times and let the bad memories wither or see the humor in them.

Another principle is that the couples have at least five times as many positive interactions as negative interactions. This is simple conditioning and common sense. If most of the interactions were negative, who would want to stay in the marriage? Yet another principle is that couples have fond feeling for each other, admire each other, and let their partners influence them. Have you told your partner lately how much you admire him or her?

One of the most interesting contemporary marriages is James Carville and Mary Matalin’s marriage. He was President Clinton’s campaign manager and is a frequent television commentator. She was deputy campaign manager for George Bush Sr. and has her own television and radio program. They have coauthored a book and a baby. Do they have nothing in common because they are passionate spokespeople for opposing parties, or do they have a lot in common because of their passion for politics? Whether couples have much in common has more to do with what they perceive than objective measures. Couples who stay together look for commonalities and respect and tolerate differences.

Each of these is in your control. If you don’t believe me, ask your spouse if you could do better. If you are going to stay married, it is certainly worth making your marriage an enjoyable and rewarding marriage. As Gottman put it, “A romantic night out really turns up the heat only when a couple has kept the pilot light burning by staying in touch in the little ways. ”Gottman’s books can be very helpful and would be good to read and discuss with your spouse. His books include: Why Marriages Succeed or Fail and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Gottman’s and other marital principles are also covered in the chapter on marriage in Defy Aging.

Unfortunately, most Americans don’t place a high enough priority on our marriages and martial skills to make a marriage last even a few decades. And even if we do, we may have to deal with a spouse dying. Consequently, we need to become very skilled at beginning and ending relationships. If every time a relationship doesn’t work out our lives sound like a country and western song, we will wear ourselves out. Rather we want to be able to say something like: I’m glad we had the relationship. We both grew a lot and learned a lot and became better persons. I hope we can remain friends. What do I need to do now?

Benjamin Franklin’s advice to a person starting a new relationship would be, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterward.”

Footprints In The Heart :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

On their deathbeds people rarely say, “I wish I had spent more time at the office.” Rather they talk about their relationships with people. It’s wonderful to have a lot of friends. What we want most, however, is to leave “footprints in people’s hearts.”

It’s so easy to get caught up in our to do lists. Footprints, however, are about when we have very emotionally intimate experiences with people and say things or do things that change their lives or how they perceive their lives. The rewards of deeply connecting with people and touching people are what feed our spirit and give our lives a sense of purpose. It helps our hearts at both physiological and metaphorical levels.

What does it take to leave footprints? I’m fascinated with how most people who haven’t seen a loved one for a long time resume the relationship step by step. While picking up a friend at the airport, they ask how the flight was. Some people stay at that level and others progress to more intimate levels. We can choose to take relationships to more intimate levels–it’s a learnable skill. The easiest route is by candid self-revelation of vulnerable feelings or thoughts.

While leaving footprints takes time, it is more about the quality of a relationship than the quantity of a relationship. Recall people who have left footprints in your heart. Was it the amount of time they spent with you or something else like intimacy, caring, guidance, or even charisma?

Think of someone’s life that you touched. What really connected in the relationship? This might be a template for how you can touch others’ lives as well. For example, if the connection came from being like a parent or grandparent to the person, there may be another person who would love to have that kind of a relationship too. If it came from sharing how you weathered a similar difficult situation, you might be able to help others in a similar way. Or perhaps it was just being a good listener who understood the person and her feelings and pain. The focus is on what he or she needs. As Henry Ford said, “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.”

The more you allow yourself to touch people’s lives, the easier and more natural it becomes. What does leaving footprints have to do with defying aging? People who defy aging have a strong sense of purpose. They touch lives and make a difference. We can model them by periodically stepping back and assessing whether we are touching peoples lives or just getting sucked up in our to do lists.

Ultimately, it is as Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.”

Making New Friends All Your Life :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

The Girl Scouts have a song that goes, “Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.” It is great advice. What typically happens as people age is that their circle of friends shrinks as people move, develop different interests, or die. Can’t you just feel life closing in when you think about it? Not making new friends is choosing to coast in life instead of embracing life. It is a script for premature aging.

Try on this belief: I make new friends all my life–even when I am well into my hundreds. Notice how time and space open up? When you adopt this belief you tell your mind to develop a script to fulfill it. To make sure the belief sticks, look for examples of people who are always making new friends. They can be great role models.

If you are shy, set a goal of learning how to make friends comfortably. Perhaps you can identify some shy people who has a knack for making friends and see how they do it. Another strategy is to become involved in organizations in which it is easy to make friends. If you are willing to take a leadership role in an organization making friends is even easier.

Why do women live longer than men? One factor is that, on the whole, they are better at developing friendships and social networks than men. Michael Roizen’s Real Age statistics found that a 70-year-old man who is married, sees at least six friends monthly, and participates in social groups has a life expectancy ten years longer than a man with none of the characteristics. For women the difference is eight years. Marriage was a more important factor in life expectancy of men than of women–presumably because single women, on the whole, have more friends and those friends provide more emotional support. And Roizen’s research isn’t even looking at whether the marriages are happy marriages.

The key factor that typically moves an acquaintanceship to a friendship is self-disclosure and sharing. “Keeping your cards close to your chest” is a prescription for loneliness. If you want to make friends, go ahead and be the first one to share personal feelings or information. What do you have to lose? At this point they are only an acquaintance and if they are turned off or scared off by you telling them that the person you would most like to meet is Richard Simons, then they wouldn’t have made a very good friend for you anyway.

The rule of thirds says a third of people naturally like you, a third won’t, and a third will be apathetic. (Of course there are few exceptions for charismatic people and curmudgeons.) So you may as well be yourself and the people who will like you will like you for the real you. The only way to lose is to not play. So make new friends like your life depends on it. It does.

Even Cats are Living Longer :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

Dan Poynter knows I am a longevity expert and sent me a copy of his new book, The Older Cat, to review. This is a very loving book about how to help your cat live a long life, be Florence Nightingale to your cat when she is ill, and make difficult decisions about when and how to let go when your cat is dying.

I was struck with his statistics about cat longevity. Outdoor cats only have a life expectancy of 3 years. In 1930 indoor cats had a life expectancy of 8 years. Today, well-cared-for neutered indoor cats have a life expectancy of 15-17 years. The oldest documented cat age is 34 years. As our longevity increases, its nice to know that our pets can live longer too.

Dan also tickled my funny bone with his description of cats: “Cats do not think that they are little people. They think that we are big cats. This influences their behavior in many ways. When we provide food, they admire us and think we are great hunters.”

Why are cats living longer? Largely for the same reasons we humans are. Most of us have indoor jobs and don’t have to worry about predators trying to kill us and eat us. We have much better healthcare and we know a lot more about how to take care of ourselves and our cats.

Believing something doesn’t necessarily make it so, but it creates the possibility. People used to think the 4-minute mile was a limitation handed down by God. Within a year of Roger Bannister breaking through that limiting belief, 37 other runners ran sub 4-minute miles. This year a high school student ran it at 3 minutes and 53.43 seconds. As Gandhi put it, "Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning."

The current “4-minute mile” for human longevity is 122 years. Americans’ life expectancy increased 64% in the last hundred years (from 47 years to 77 years) and the trend is likely to continue. Scientific advances, genetic engineering, tissue engineering, new hormone therapies, and a likely cure for Alzheimer’s disease will push life expectancy close to 100 and have many people living to 150 or longer.

In the last 40 years Americans’ per capita income, adjusted for inflation, doubled, giving us more resources to pursue mentally and physically healthy lifestyles. Fifty years ago televisions had small black and white screens, three stations, and signed off by midnight. There were only sixty computers in the world and they often required a whole room to do a fraction of what can be done on a palm sized computer today. Our information resources are phenomenal. Scientific advances are trickling down at a much faster rate, e.g., Lasik eye surgery which has only been around for about a decade is now available for several hundred dollars. Taking note of these advances helps you believe you can live longer and healthier.

If we want to live longer, we need to believe we can. George Burns booked a show in Las Vegas for his hundredth birthday, did the show, but died later that year. I can’t help think that this very vital man might have lived longer and brought joy to many if he had also booked his next ten birthdays.

The Secret to a Long, Healthy Life :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

There is a fascinating ritual that often occurs when someone turns 100. The newspaper sends a reporter to ask the centenarian, “What is your secret of life?” What makes it fascinating is that they don’t know. Often they make something up, e.g., eating broccoli. When Diane Sawyer on ABC News asked 98-year-old Beatrice Wood how she managed to live so long, she replied, “Chocolate and young men.” Sounds a lot like George Burns attributing his longevity to young women or his quip about eating junk food–“at my age I need all the preservatives I can get.”

When we look at vital centenarians as a group, however, their secrets become obvious. Physically they have little in common. Most don’t smoke and they typically maintain a fairly constant weight throughout their lives. They are physically active people but that is a lifestyle choice. That’s about all they have in common physically.

Their single biggest secret is that they all have a strong sense of purpose all of their lives. That was easier for many of them then for us. They grew up in a time when people often worked for the same employer or even at the same job for their whole career. Marriage was till death do us part and religion provided a strong sense of identity. Now we have so many choices and so many things are negotiable. Many people move to other cities to pursue education or jobs. People often have to reinvent their careers. More than half of marriages end in divorce.

When we don’t have a strong sense of purpose, we become vulnerable to depression, despair, and physical illnesses. We lose our spark and vitality and argue with our alarm clocks about getting up in the morning. At any time in your life, if you don’t have a strong sense of purpose, finding one needs to be a very high priority. As Elizabeth Kübler-Ross put it, “All events are blessings given to us to learn from."

There are some other traits that distinguish vital centenarians. They are independent and self-reliant people. They view life as too precious to fret about what others think. For example, when they go to a doctor, they decide for themselves whether the doctor’s advice makes sense.

They are optimists and have a positive outlook on life. They tend to foster fond memories and let bad memories wither. Consequently, they tend to have twice as many fond memories as negative memories. They let go of resentments. They also have a good sense of humor. Finally, they have good coping skills for dealing with change and with loss.

What I find especially encouraging about these traits is they are all learnable and are all choices. If I am tempted to say I’m too old to learn something new, I just think of George Dawson. Mr. Dawson was an African-American who dropped out of elementary school to help on the farm. When he was 98 years old he decided he was “tired of writing my name with an X” and went to adult education classes and learned to read. At 102 he co-wrote his autobiography, Life is So Good. If he can learn to read at 98, can you really convince yourself that you are too old to learn something new?

Is Retirement Day Independence Day? :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

I was at a conference on nursing home services a few years ago and the speakers talked about “empowering the patients.” (Of course calling them “patients” is not very empowering.) During the break a nurse told me, “They don’t get it. When I ask my patients to exercise or do something for themselves, they say, ‘I worked hard all my life and I want to relax and be taken care of.’” Independence used to mean kicking back and taking it easy.

The Heldrich Center surveyed workers about retirement. It wasn’t surprising that most Americans indicated they would like to retire at age 65–or younger. What was surprising, however, was that only 10% of the 1,000 workers surveyed said they just wanted to pursue leisure and recreation. The other 90% said they wanted to start a new career, start their own business, go to school, work full-time, work part-time, or do volunteer work. They wanted to continue contributing after “retirement age.”

The American Association of Retired Persons changed its name to AARP. Why? Because when AARP tried to recruit the Baby Boomers, Boomers didn’t like the “R word.” A 1999 AARP survey found that 61% of retirees and 70% of non-retirees said retirement is “a time to begin a new chapter by being active and involved, starting new activities and setting new goals.”

Boomers pushed to make age discrimination illegal. In 2000 Congress repealed the Social Security earnings penalty for workers aged 65-70. Our society has geared up to give seniors the freedom to choose to work.

The line between working and retirement is blurring. Increasingly, seniors weave in and out of retirement. They may travel, help family and friends, or take some courses. Then some get a hankering to do some work again—whether paid, unpaid, consulting, or self-employment.

Retirement is the ultimate independence. We can choose to work or not to work. How American.

Pruning Friendships as We Age :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

Most people's circle of friends shrinks as they age. Researchers have assumed this was due to depression, withdrawal, poorer health, less energy, cognitive decline, or disengaging as a way to prepare for death. Research in the last decade, however, paints a different picture.

Compared to younger people, older people tend to be more satisfied with their relationships and feel stronger emotional bonds. Their emotional ties with close friends and family tend to increase with age. Middle-aged people and older people typically have a comparable number of close friends. Older people, however, tend to invest more of their time in relationships with close friends and family.

This is as it should be. Youth is a time for experimenting and trying out a lot possibilities--including different types of friendships. As we age we become clearer about what works for us, what we want, and what is important.

Researchers report that older people often say, "I don't have time for those people." Typically they weren't referring to time management but a sense of having fewer years left to live. They shift their values to place less emphasis on novelty and more emphasis on quality--investing their time in the people who matter the most to them.

It is comforting that researchers are beginning to paint a more positive picture of aging in which we wisely cultivate friendships and family relations. We are beginning to see that there are a lot of good things that come with aging.

Living Longer—The 20th Century’s Greatest Accomplishment:-Michael Brickey, Ph.D

A number of polls have asked what the greatest accomplishment of the 20th century was. Common answers are events, e.g., a man walking on the moon, or inventions such as the automobile, television, or Internet. No one mentions the development of old age for most people.

There have always been some people who lived a long life. But this is the 20th century was the first time most people in Western cultures survived to old age. In 1900, 50% of people died by age five. It was a difficult time to be a parent or a child. Life expectancy for someone born in 1900 was 47 years. In 2000 it was 77 years.

What accounted for the dramatic change? It wasn't evolution. It was improved sanitation and hygiene, inoculations, medical advances, and choosing to have fewer children. It was the increasing affluence and education and resources that enabled people to develop safer, healthier lifestyles at home and work.

Science and technology certainly played a major role. Most of the credit, however, goes to a continual improving the quality of our culture. I think we should give ourselves and our culture and big pat on the back and celebrate the 20th the development of old age for most people as the century's greatest accomplishment.

It’s not over yet. My prediction is that we will see 50,000 Baby Boomers live to 150 and still be sharp mentally and physically. The US Census Bureau, a pretty conservative organization, predicts we will have a million Americans 100 and older in about forty years (2045). It is unlikely that they will all die at 101.

The increase in longevity will come from continued advances in medicine, the availability of information, and other resources to take care of ourselves. The biggest thrust will come from genetic engineering, which will reprogram genes causing health problems and aging, and from tissue engineering, which will grow new body tissues.

On his hundredth birthday Eubie Blake said, “If I had know I was going to live so long, I would have taken better care of myself.” That’s excellent advice as many of us will be living a very long time.

What Caregivers Need to Know About Their Own Aging :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D.

What does it mean to be 60, 70, 80, 90, or 100? Most people mentally use their parents or grandparents as a benchmark for what it is like to be those ages. Caregivers can easily fall into associating aging with how their residents are aging.

But people are living much longer and healthier than even a generation ago. In the last century Americans’ life expectancy jumped from 47 years to 77 years—and it continues to rise. Most of the residents we work with are people who are not aging well. Those who are aging well are living in the community.

As caregivers it is especially important that we have a perspective and vision for how we can age well. As kids we had role models for the kind of people we wanted to be, e.g., rock stars, movie stars, athletes, and astronauts. Adults need role models too—especially role models of people who age well.

Fortunately, there are many role models. Consider Verona Johnston. Until she died in December 2004, she was America’s oldest citizen at 114. She lived in a Frank Lloyd Wright style home in Worthington, Ohio. She was a retired Latin teacher who at 113 could still do math in her head. A voracious reader she frequented the local library. Until the last several months of her life she was in good health except for some arthritis. At 113 she managed a flight of stairs to her second floor bedroom. Her only serious health problem was that she eventually could not see well enough to read. So her 81 year old daughter read to her and she used books on tape.

There are centenarians (people 100 old or older) who write best selling books, run for Congress, practice medicine, teach college, help produce Broadway plays, sculpt, paint, score in the 80s playing golf, graduate from college, and even father children.

Caregivers need to look for examples of people who are aging well. Set them as your benchmark for how you want to age. Our beliefs and expectations have a powerful influence on how our lives turn out. From your care giving, you know what it is like to not age well. Set healthy, ambitious expectations for how you will age and you will be more likely to age well.

The Anti Aging Alphabet Soup :-Michael Brickey, Ph.D.

I prefer to use positive terms whenever possible. Thus my preference would be for terms such as positive aging or healthy aging. Overture data, however, indicate that only 30 people did Internet searches for positive aging in July 2005. Healthy aging fared a little better at 681 searches. Both were dwarfed by anti aging at 125,558 searches. At least on the Internet when people think of staying healthy and youthful, they think anti aging. These searches were often for anti aging centers, anti aging skin care, anti aging supplements, and other anti aging products. (I use anti aging without the hyphens because this is the Internet and most people doing searches do not use hyphens.)

Anti aging came from medicine. Like the military, medicine is either for or against things. So we have antibiotics, antiseptics, antispasmodics, and yes, anti aging. While it is currently hard to find physicians who are specialists in anti aging medicine, the numbers are growing rapidly and it seems destined to become the biggest medical specialty--possibly as common as family doctors.

Medicine is brilliant at identifying and treating or curing diseases. Unfortunately, it has paid little attention to prevention or health promotion. American insurance companies pay billions for pills but nothing for vitamins, billions for surgeries but little for fitness, nutrition education, or other prevention. In the last decade we have seen increasing challenges to medicine’s over focus on disease. Wellness, which focuses on what we want instead of what we don’t want, had 63,228 searches. Holistic health, which addresses mind, body and spirit, had 4,189.

But we are still in medicine’s shadow. Alternative medicine had 194,534 searches—even more than anti aging. Quite a few of these searches were paired with a city—people looking for local practitioners and services. Alternative medicine encompasses just about everything that is not mainstream medicine—massage, chiropractors, herbs, acupuncture, naturopaths, crystals, magnets, and much more. Some have scientific research backing them, and some have none.

My hypnosis training made me keenly aware that terms like wellness and health are better terms than anti aging. To conceptualize anti aging you have to think of aging—and then try to negate it. It’s a little like telling somebody not to think of cute, cuddly baby pink elephants. You’re seeing those baby elephants aren’t you?

In 1887 a Polish linguist introduced Esperanto, a universal language. Guess what? Despite its many quirks and irregularities, English is still the world’s international language. While I prefer healthy aging, positive aging, wellness and holistic health, anti aging is still the universal language.

In psychology Martin Seligman, a trailblazer in research on optimism, happiness, and depression, developed a new field--positive psychology. Hopefully it will become a dominant force in psychology, which currently, like medicine, focuses on pathology. Overture found 800 searches for positive psychology.

When it comes to change, follow the money. Medicare now covers many in home health services, realizing they are less expensive than nursing home care. While managed care was supposed to emphasize prevention and wellness, it mostly just gave lip service. American insurance companies in general, however, are gradually inching into prevention and wellness. The big boost for alternative medicine will come with those higher co-pays, higher deductibles, and health savings accounts. Consumers often choose traditional medical treatments and medications because their insurance covers much of the cost. When consumers pay more bills out of pocket, they will be more inclined to consider alternative approaches to illness and health.

America is in the grips of makeover madness (which is almost always an out-of-pocket expense). Face lifts, liposuction, breast augmentation, and tummy tucks these days are typically performed on an outpatient basis. Health spas traditionally offered skin care, massages, manicures, and pedicures. With the makeover phenomenon many are becoming medical spas and offering laser treatments for skin, chemical peels, Botox, and even surgery. With the strong influence and prestige of medicine, anti aging is likely to continue to be the dominant term for healthy aging and wellness.

For further information, contact:
Michael Brickey, Ph.D.
Ageless Lifestyles Institute
865 College Ave.
Columbus, OH 43209
614-237-4556
articles@DrBrickey.com