The Defy Aging Newsletter

Anti-aging psychology, holistic health, and wellness

a biweekly e-mail newsletter for helping you think, feel, look, and be more youthful and live with purpose.

February 5, 2009 Number 203

This issue:

Never Too Old to Flirt

Action to take

Whether single or married, dating, mating, or just having fun, enjoy flirting at every age.


Flirting adds spice and panache to your life. If you are looking for love, flirting is bait. If you are married, it can help you stay married. Even if you aren't amorously interested, it's still fun. Unfortunately, a lot of people over 50 sell themselves short with rationalizations like no one would be interested in a paunchy, balding man; or no one would be interested in an overweight woman with wrinkles.

True if you try to flirt at 60 or 80 the way you did at 20 or 30 you will look foolish and ridiculous. The rules change in our 50’s and older. While many seniors are quite sexually active it’s less about hot sex and more about companionship, someone who understands and cares, kindness, and someone who makes you feel good.

I recently interviewed Barbara Bellman, author of Flirting After Fifty. Her emphasis is that flirting is a state of mind that includes confidence and playfulness. Indeed. flirting is a type of adult play. She helps Boomers and seniors overcome the excuses and objections and develop confidence. But even if you have confidence, what do you say? You focus on everyone’s favorite radio station—WIFM—what’s in it for me—i.e., focusing on getting to know the other person rather than talking about yourself.

You can give a compliment, like you have a beautiful smile. You can make an astute observation, like I noticed you seem to be fascinated with that painting. You could ask for help, like, I'm new to this neighborhood and don't know where.... Or perhaps you could self-disclosure something, like I never know what to say at mixers like these, have you figured out the secret? The more specific, sincere, and insightful your remark, the better.

For those looking for love, it helps to be in places where you will have the opportunity to meet the kind of people you would truly enjoy having as a friend. The rest is commentary—how to get to the second and third date, how to handle family, and how to handle traditional versus liberated roles.

If you would like to hear the free podcast of the interview, you can download it or stream it at or


The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman with beautiful legs.

~George Sand (author)

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

~Sophia Loren


When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

~Elayne Boosler

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"Dr. Michael Brickey, The Anti-Aging Psychologist, teaches people to think, feel, look and be more youthful. He is an inspiring keynote speaker and Oprah-featured author. His works include:  Defy Aging, 52 baby steps to Grow Young, and Reverse Aging (anti-aging hypnosis CDs). Visit for a free report on anti-aging secrets and a free newsletter with practical anti-aging tips."

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